Pseudocoded

Looking for a girlfriend with find

Published August 1st, 2007 in Uncategorized | No Comments »

# if you're desparate
find /

# female only
find / -type f

# let's stay local
find /USA -type f

# make sure to stay out of jail
find /USA -type f -ctime +6570

# only someone who's looking
find /USA -type f -ctime +6570 -perm -a=r

# and maybe a little desperate
find /USA -type f -ctime +6570 -perm -a=r -atime +30

# but doesn't look like kate moss
find /USA -type f -ctime +6570 -perm -a=r -atime +30 \
    -size +100M

# or rosie
find /USA -type f -ctime +6570 -perm -a=r -atime +30 \
    -size +100M -size -180M

# and with a little love inside
find /USA -type f -ctime +6570 -perm -a=r -atime +30 \
    -size +120M -size -180M -exec grep -li "love" {} \;

The Indian Superman equation

Published July 30th, 2007 in Uncategorized | No Comments »

stunning special effects      +
    groovy soundtrack         +
    lovable characters        +
    thrilling action scenes   +
    passionate love story     +
    synchronized choreography +
    contagious dance moves    +
    energetic performances    +
    gorgeous scenery          =

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5Pjo0WjBcs

I want some of that iPhone revenue

Published July 9th, 2007 in Uncategorized | No Comments »

for ( $i = 0; $i < 700000; $i++ ) {
 
    if ( $phone[$i]->type == '4G' ) {
 
        $cost  = 200;
        $price = 499;
    }
    else {
 
        $cost  = 220;
        $price = 599;
    }
 
    $apple->profit += ( $price - $cost ) + $att_kickback;
}

The Paris Hilton saga

Published June 13th, 2007 in Uncategorized | No Comments »

function onRelease() {
 
    if ($time->served < $time->sentenced)
 
        start ( new Riot() );
}

Last season of Sopranos

Published June 11th, 2007 in Uncategorized | No Comments »

#!/bin/bash
 
for character in $(ps -o pid= -G sopranos); do
    kill -9 $character;
done

Diagnosing my symptoms

Published June 8th, 2007 in Uncategorized | No Comments »

if ( in_array( $symptoms, 'cough' ) ) {
 
    if ( watch( 'House' ) ) {
 
        return select_one(array( 
            'african sleeping sickness', 
            'arteriovenous malformation', 
            'brain cancer', 
            'epstein-barr',
            'gout',
            'leprosy',
            'ornithine transcarbamylase deficiency',
            'rabies',
            'subdural hematoma',
            'tapeworm',
        ));
    }
    else {
 
        return 'common cold';
    }
}

The Digg algorithm revealed

Published June 7th, 2007 in Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

$story->diggs = 0;
 
for ( $i = 0; $i < $story->title->exclamation_points; $i++ )
    $story->diggs += 500;
 
if ( preg_match('/^The Best .* Ever!$/', $story->title) )
    $story->diggs += 1000;
 
if ( $story->opinion == 'is cool' && $story->contains(
  'Kevin Rose', 'iPhone', 'FireFox', 'Wii' ))    
    $story->diggs += 2500;
 
if ( $story->opinion == 'sucks' && $story->contains(
  'RIAA', 'Zune', 'Netscape', 'Bill Gates' ))    
    $story->diggs += 5000;

Rain, rain go away

Published June 6th, 2007 in Uncategorized | No Comments »

$days_between_mows = 7;
 
while ( $today->rain == 0 ) {
 
    $days_between_mows += 1;
}

Microsoft Surface

Published June 5th, 2007 in Uncategorized | No Comments »

while ( ! $surface->released ) {
 
    if ( $surface->creator == $zune->creator ) {
 
        $skeptical = TRUE;
    }
}

What I ate as a bachelor

Published June 4th, 2007 in Uncategorized | No Comments »

if ( ! smellsFunny( $milk ) ) {
 
    return combine( $milk, $cereal );
}
else if ( ! looksFuzzy( $bread ) ) {
 
    return combine( $bread, $peanut_butter, $jelly );
}
else {
 
    return combine( $hot_water, $ramen_noodles );
}